58. Jay Stringer | How to Confront Shame and Embrace Your Story

This episode, I interview Jay Stringer. Jay is a licensed mental health counselor, ordained minister, and author of the award-winning book Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing. Unwanted is based on a multiyear research project on over 3,800 men and women to address the key drivers of unwanted sexual behavior, be that the use of pornography, infidelity, or buying sex.

Jay's passion is to equip the church with resources to change the conversation on sexual brokenness. Towards that end, Jay created the Sexual Behavior Self-Assessment and partnered with the Heart of Man film to create a 5 month online curriculum for small groups to explore how our story shapes and predicts the sexual brokenness we pursue. Learn more about The Journey at www.TheJourneyCourse.com

Stringer holds an MDiv and master in counseling psychology from the Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and received post-graduate training under Dr. Dan Allender while serving as a Senior Fellow at the Allender Center. Jay lives in New York City with his wife Heather and their two children.

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Questions to ask yourself from the interview
1. What part of my story have I diminished by avoiding shame?
2. How have I used honor/loyalty to avoid honesty in my life and family?
3. How do I see the role of ‘desire’ in my life and future?
4. What have I done to manage my behaviors? How has it helped? How has it failed?
5. Who do I know that can help me know my story better?

Highlights

2:15 - Running the New York City Marathon with both of his elbows broken

6:05 - “A Legend, An Idiot, or a Fool”

8:25 - “What our depression, anxiety, and porn addiction might be saying to us”

11:10 - TV and silence influencing him

16:20 - Carrying Shame because of his body image as a teenage

18:25 - Growing into becoming a counselor

22:20 - At 21, began to fight sex trafficking

28:05 - Tension of honor and honesty in family

35:30 - The opening story in his book, Unwanted

38:10 - 3 questions his book asks

43:00 - Role of The Church in sexual brokenness

46:40 - How to engage your story: engage shame and get super curious

50:45 - “Your enemy is not desire”

55:30 - The role we were asked to play and need to out grow

58:20 - Sign up for his course www.TheJourneyCourse.com